I’m Still Alive
Urbana resident Cate Lao inspires us with the story of her life with dementia
Cate Lao met us one evening at the Urbana Library for the interview we had arranged to discuss her early onset dementia of the Alzheimer’s variety. She had requested that a story be written about her, as she wanted to share her story while she was still able, and felt that dementia was a topic the public needed to know more about. As we waited for her, equipment in tow, we prepared interview questions and quietly thought about the sensitivity of the conversation at hand, expecting it to be a rather heavy one.
When Cate arrived, however, we realized we had been mistaken to assume the night would be focused on the doom and gloom commonly associated with an incurable disease; she could not have been more excited to meet us. Cate greeted us with a smile and immediately suggested that we go somewhere more fun than the local library, would we like a hot drink on her? Without waiting for a response, she was already asking where we had parked and before we knew it we were heading to Starbucks to hang out with our newfound friend Cate.
We chatted about her family, our collective favorite coffee drinks, and the best places to go out for a drink in Urbana before we ended up honing in on the question “What is it like living with early onset dementia?” But nothing changed after the question was asked. She was excited for us to start asking the tough questions and start giving us the tough answers. She told us she had been diagnosed for years ago and then smiled broadly. “Four years ago; I’m still alive,” she said. “I’m doing great.”
Cate made the decision to stop all medicinal treatments for her condition because they impeded on her quality of life. The laundry list of different medications she had tried may have minimally slowed the progression of her disease, but not without crippling side effects, each as uncomfortable as the next. She had suffered from extreme exhaustion, brain fog, and stomach issues, to name a few, that made her feel sicker than the dementia itself. Knowing that none of these drugs could actually cure her condition, Cate decided to choose quality of life over treatment and accept the cards she had been dealt. And she is happy with her decision.
So what is it like living with early onset dementia from Alzheimer’s? It’s hard. Every day poses challenges that anyone without the disease might not even think of. “When you loose your abilities, it’s crippling.” She told us she has a hard time remembering how to do small things like buttons on a shirt. She recently lost the ability to count money and cook, making day-to-day survival a daily challenge.
Part of the hardest part of this disease for doctors is there are multiple unknown variables; symptoms vary greatly from patient to patient. Alzheimer’s specialist Dr. Benjamin Mast of University of Louisville said in an interview, “There is a level of unknowability…there is a limit to what we can understand about Alzheimer’s disease. The problem is we can’t fully understand it until we experience it ourselves.” (Full interview found at www.desiringgod.org)
Cate told us of her first couple episodes of memory loss, before she knew she was diagnosed. One time, she was leaving a store. She got into her car and realized she had no idea how to start it. Frantic, she called her husband, thinking maybe something was wrong the car. Mid-way through the conversation with her husband, who suspected engine trouble, she suddenly remembered the keys in her hand and how they fit into the ignition, and was on her way. She chalked it up to being tired after a long day.
Another time, Cate had taken a walk to the Urbana Library. When she came back outside after her visit, she was completely lost; she had no idea how to get home. She had come back out to a world she did not recognize, even though she had been living in Urbana for years. She ended wandering around the neighborhood for hours, ultimately wandering into a shop and politely asking help for finding an address (her own). Cate lives directly across the street from the library.
These stories shocked and scared us and left us wondering how Cate stayed so positive and lighthearted throughout the interview. She laughed quietly at herself when she couldn’t remember something like the date or the age of her son and kept asking she whether she was doing a good job on her interview. So we asked her how she does it. She told us of course times are hard. “I’m loosing my memories, and I am not making any new ones.” She spends hours in her house doing nothing but stare at the wall, because she can’t remember what she was doing and has no sense of time. Dementia causes strain on relationships with friends and family, so she spends a lot of time alone.
Despite her positive attitude and cheery outlook, Cate is clear that she is also very realistic when talking about her conditions. “You don’t have Alzheimer’s,” she said. “Alzheimer’s has you. It controls you.”
But she has learned to enjoy the time she has. “You know how they say, ‘life is short, ya know, forgive each other’? Do it.” She told us. She also said dementia has also renewed her faith in the kindness of others. In her challenge to count money, she is thankful to the kind cashiers who have patiently helped her count out her coins or have given her back bills when she has given too much. She also told us that, luckily, the disease has somewhat relaxed her: “The blessing of Alzheimer’s is you don’t worry too much.”
In her quest to help people understand dementia and help others who are afflicted, Cate reaches out in support groups and currently hopes to create one in her own neighborhood as well.
To learn more about early onset Alzheimer's and dementia, we encourage readers to go to the Alzheimer’s Association website or to the AFA website to donate to research efforts.
We wish the best to Cate and thank her for sharing her story and her contagious smile with us and our readers.
#MentalHealthMatters
Urbana resident Cate Lao inspires us with the story of her life with dementia
Cate Lao met us one evening at the Urbana Library for the interview we had arranged to discuss her early onset dementia of the Alzheimer’s variety. She had requested that a story be written about her, as she wanted to share her story while she was still able, and felt that dementia was a topic the public needed to know more about. As we waited for her, equipment in tow, we prepared interview questions and quietly thought about the sensitivity of the conversation at hand, expecting it to be a rather heavy one.
When Cate arrived, however, we realized we had been mistaken to assume the night would be focused on the doom and gloom commonly associated with an incurable disease; she could not have been more excited to meet us. Cate greeted us with a smile and immediately suggested that we go somewhere more fun than the local library, would we like a hot drink on her? Without waiting for a response, she was already asking where we had parked and before we knew it we were heading to Starbucks to hang out with our newfound friend Cate.
We chatted about her family, our collective favorite coffee drinks, and the best places to go out for a drink in Urbana before we ended up honing in on the question “What is it like living with early onset dementia?” But nothing changed after the question was asked. She was excited for us to start asking the tough questions and start giving us the tough answers. She told us she had been diagnosed for years ago and then smiled broadly. “Four years ago; I’m still alive,” she said. “I’m doing great.”
Cate made the decision to stop all medicinal treatments for her condition because they impeded on her quality of life. The laundry list of different medications she had tried may have minimally slowed the progression of her disease, but not without crippling side effects, each as uncomfortable as the next. She had suffered from extreme exhaustion, brain fog, and stomach issues, to name a few, that made her feel sicker than the dementia itself. Knowing that none of these drugs could actually cure her condition, Cate decided to choose quality of life over treatment and accept the cards she had been dealt. And she is happy with her decision.
So what is it like living with early onset dementia from Alzheimer’s? It’s hard. Every day poses challenges that anyone without the disease might not even think of. “When you loose your abilities, it’s crippling.” She told us she has a hard time remembering how to do small things like buttons on a shirt. She recently lost the ability to count money and cook, making day-to-day survival a daily challenge.
Part of the hardest part of this disease for doctors is there are multiple unknown variables; symptoms vary greatly from patient to patient. Alzheimer’s specialist Dr. Benjamin Mast of University of Louisville said in an interview, “There is a level of unknowability…there is a limit to what we can understand about Alzheimer’s disease. The problem is we can’t fully understand it until we experience it ourselves.” (Full interview found at www.desiringgod.org)
Cate told us of her first couple episodes of memory loss, before she knew she was diagnosed. One time, she was leaving a store. She got into her car and realized she had no idea how to start it. Frantic, she called her husband, thinking maybe something was wrong the car. Mid-way through the conversation with her husband, who suspected engine trouble, she suddenly remembered the keys in her hand and how they fit into the ignition, and was on her way. She chalked it up to being tired after a long day.
Another time, Cate had taken a walk to the Urbana Library. When she came back outside after her visit, she was completely lost; she had no idea how to get home. She had come back out to a world she did not recognize, even though she had been living in Urbana for years. She ended wandering around the neighborhood for hours, ultimately wandering into a shop and politely asking help for finding an address (her own). Cate lives directly across the street from the library.
These stories shocked and scared us and left us wondering how Cate stayed so positive and lighthearted throughout the interview. She laughed quietly at herself when she couldn’t remember something like the date or the age of her son and kept asking she whether she was doing a good job on her interview. So we asked her how she does it. She told us of course times are hard. “I’m loosing my memories, and I am not making any new ones.” She spends hours in her house doing nothing but stare at the wall, because she can’t remember what she was doing and has no sense of time. Dementia causes strain on relationships with friends and family, so she spends a lot of time alone.
Despite her positive attitude and cheery outlook, Cate is clear that she is also very realistic when talking about her conditions. “You don’t have Alzheimer’s,” she said. “Alzheimer’s has you. It controls you.”
But she has learned to enjoy the time she has. “You know how they say, ‘life is short, ya know, forgive each other’? Do it.” She told us. She also said dementia has also renewed her faith in the kindness of others. In her challenge to count money, she is thankful to the kind cashiers who have patiently helped her count out her coins or have given her back bills when she has given too much. She also told us that, luckily, the disease has somewhat relaxed her: “The blessing of Alzheimer’s is you don’t worry too much.”
In her quest to help people understand dementia and help others who are afflicted, Cate reaches out in support groups and currently hopes to create one in her own neighborhood as well.
To learn more about early onset Alzheimer's and dementia, we encourage readers to go to the Alzheimer’s Association website or to the AFA website to donate to research efforts.
We wish the best to Cate and thank her for sharing her story and her contagious smile with us and our readers.
#MentalHealthMatters